The Musings of a Jilted Mewtwo
by fooboo24
Summary: Mewtwo would always hate humans, he had decided. But all of that came crashing down when that one special girl entered his life... one-sided Mewtwo/White and reciprocated N/White. FerrisWheelShipping. Fifth Generation.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Pokemon.

**Author's Notes:** Don't even know WTF this one is. It floated into my head one night and has been pestering me/developing in plot for three days now. And the pairing… neeeeeeeeh (the one-sided Mewtwo/White, that is. I totally love White/N).

* * *

_Mewtwo's POV_

* * *

Ugh, humans. Of what use are they, those scoundrels? None. Absolutely none. Normally, I'd delve a little deeper about this subject, but I will have you know now, that my depiction - and experiences - with that species are both equally dank. So, I will not press on a topic that I hate so passionately.

But _why_, you ask?

And my answer will always be the same. Why attempt to love something that will eternally oppose you? I was created by humans as a weapon of wars, I was never meant to be loved or feel the emotion. Just drone on. They shouldn't have given me a mind for myself - instead, they should've made a machine that couldn't feel. But they made me, and despite what they thought, I could feel, and felt everything they said, everything thing they did to me, all of it, to my very core.

And while I could go on and on about the things they did to me, I don't wish to bore either of us with that drabble. What happened, happened, and it has left me hating the human species. They should have to suffer as I did. I managed to maintain an inner calm after escaping them, but I will never truly heal from what they have done. I used to be an angry wreck who couldn't control his emotions, but at least I now have a grip on them.

After the incident with the Rocket goons, I secluded myself from you humans, in a place far away and hidden in a rural region, never expecting to find any form of contact with any of you again, let alone feel something for one of you. In my mind, you were all the same - cold, heartless, shameless - until she came along and proved me wrong.

* * *

She came to me one day, searching for me, for what I suppose was to capture me. Somehow, she had managed to find my whereabouts - I was secluded far into a temple in the Isshu region. I thought nothing of her originally - she was just another irritating trainer that I would send away crying, like all the rest.

And though I am sure her original intentions were nothing more than to catch me, she didn't. Instead of pulling out the generic Pokeball or the rarer Masterball, when she entered my place of rest, she just stared at me when we made eye contact.

It seemed like a small eternity as neither of us attempted to break it. And some kind of connection was made.

* * *

A few days later, she came again, bringing with her a lunch for two. But why would a human want to share anything with me, a big, lonely Mewtwo? The _only_ big, lonely Mewtwo on the planet.

But either way, she spoke to me as though I were a common friend of hers. Though I said nothing back - as far as the little knowledge humans had on me, I could not speak - I still listened intently. It was nice having a pleasant conversation with someone for the first time in fifteen years.

I noticed that she was inquisitive and more intriguing that the others whom had ventured upon my temple abode. And though I did not enjoy a human's presence, I did not oppose to it either.

* * *

She began to visit more often now, sometimes bringing books of the legends of Isshu or other regions, allowing me to catch up on what I had missed. One thing bothered me, however: what did she want of me? Was this all a pawn so that she could ultimately capture me? Because if that was the case, I was done with her and her interactions now.

But… it didn't seem as though that was what she wanted with me. She truly seemed to want to be my friend and that scared me. Hah, a Pokemon like me, ever-powerful and one-of-a-kind, afraid of a mere child? Why was I suddenly becoming so soft around the edges?

* * *

Weeks after weeks, daily, she came, bringing more food and other random objects to show me or entertain me with, and I found myself enjoying her company. It was rare for me to find happiness in anything any longer, and so to find it in something I hated so strongly, was both hypocritical and elating to me.

I had never bothered to speak to her until one day when I believed she deserved it - earned it. I spoke to her mentally, though, the only way I could. I started with a simple question.

_What is your name?_

"My name?" I nodded at her. "My name's White."

And I had never heard such a perfect, pure name. It suited her so well. You could tell, she was all innocence. She radiated the very definition of the word. As I could also tell, she had probably never given herself away to anyone yet, either, only adding to the factor of her purity.

* * *

I began to notice how simply gorgeous she was not long after. What with her chocolate brown hair, her sparkling blue eyes… What was I doing? I was a Pokemon, not a human. But when I thought longer and harder on the subject, I was the only Pokemon of my species. I was the only Mewtwo that had ever existed and would ever exist. This just made me consider the heinous possibilities of what might come with my newfound… friendship… with this girl.

But could I ever feel love? Did I have the capacity to feel it?

I would soon know.

* * *

One day, two years later, she knew everything - honestly - that there was to know about me, and I knew everything - I thought - that I could about her. One evening, she decided to spend the entire night stargazing with me - a regular pass time for myself.

It was then and there that I decided I was most likely in love with her. I couldn't help but feel guilty, but at the same time so incredibly happy to have someone to feel that way about.

She whispered so many things to me that night, and among the "this is beautiful"s and "look at that"s, I was pretty sure I heard an "I love you" uttered.

* * *

After that, I was lovestruck, and my cloned Pokemon followers noticed it - some of them even taunted me for it. Was their all-powerful overlord getting soft? I only answered with a glare, but they still didn't believe me.

Everyday, I awaited her visits eagerly. I never thought I would ever feel this way about anything - let alone a human, and so I explored the emotion in every way I could.

One day, though, she brought someone else along, and I experienced another emotion I had never felt before. Jealousy.

He had this long green hair in a ponytail of sorts, which stormy grey eyes and a thorny disposition that I did not like. But White seemed to adore him, and vice versa, so why shouldn't I at least try to like him, or in the least, feign interest? I could do that for her.

At least I thought I could.

* * *

I thought that his joining in on our visiting would be a one time thing, but he continued to come along with White, and the two only seemed to grow closer and seclude me even further. White told me that this was not at all the case, and that he just wanted to study me - that he was highly interested in saving Pokemon. Pfft, how many times had I heard that excuse before, in all my years?

One time, this boy, N apparently, came as far as to touch me, something I did not enjoy. When he pulled back, he stood awfully close to White, and those first few threads of envy began to cloud my mind. He showed an undeniable attraction and affection towards her - one that you would not normally see in a young man his age in these modern times.

But he didn't have anything on me, right? Except for the fact that he was human, and I believed that with how open-minded White was, she would be willing to overlook that…

I chose to ignore when White responded to his advances: be it laughing at one of his corny jokes, blushing whenever they made physical contact, or just the conversation the two shared.

One time he actually looked right at me while I was spying upon White, who was recollecting her Pokemon. He saw my eyes twinkling desirably at her, and 'tch'-ed before snickering, "Good luck, big guy." I had never been so humiliated, and in such a condescending way, it seemed.

The petty human emotion that was jealousy was something I finally decided to acknowledge I felt when one day, when the two were leaving, he wrapped an arm around her.

* * *

A few weeks later, they made it apparent that something had happened when they arrived holding hands. White announced the news so joyously to me that I thought she would burst - she and this N were an official couple. What happened to the "we're just friends" she had told me only days before? Did her word mean nothing? I never been filled with so many unanswerable questions.

I had so many mixed feelings on White's new relationship. I was happy because she was happy, I was sad that I hadn't said anything about what I felt beforehand, and angry because she had never told me.

Little did either of us know, her innocence would soon die down - leaving a depressed and infuriated me and a glowing White.

* * *

Months and months later, as I predicted, White arrived one day, without her significant other, with an elated smile planted on her face, and I knew immediately that something was out of place with her. At first, I could not place what it was, but when she gave that lovestruck sigh that I had given months ago and leaned her head on her hand, I knew what it was.

She was no longer pure, innocent White. She was tainted now - and for some reason that I didn't understand, was enjoying it. How could losing something so precious make one feel so good about themselves? I did not understand her infatuation with N - I could provide her with everything he could, except I would be worldlier about it.

But maybe she didn't want a worldly lover - maybe she wanted someone inexperienced in this world, one with whom she could learn with - something that he _could_ provide her that I couldn't.

My jealousy and rage of their adoration had grown along with their relationship, and I was blinded by the same anger and hatred I had felt the first time I had escaped from the humans.

"You know what, Mewtwo?" she said to me while rocking back and forth giddily, no doubt thinking of her disgusting boyfriend.

_What? _I mused back quietly.

"I'm in love with N. I really am." And then I snapped.

Turning to her with extreme speed and fuelled by months worth of ignorance from her, I threw her against the wall, using my paws to hold her down. I did so with more force than I meant, and I knew that I would leave bruises on her porcelain skin.

_Why do you do this to me? _I asked her calmly, though I did not loosen my grip any. She winced when I squeezed tighter, but did not give an answer - I suspect she didn't know exactly what I was addressing. _Why do you insist on being with N? Why!_

It finally dawned on the girl, and tears began to form in her eyes.

_You said you loved me, White… all those years ago… don't you remember? _I tried to control my own fluctuating emotions. Why did I have to feel this way about her?

"Oh, oh… Arceus, Mewtwo," she let a tear fall. "I…" She paused to regain her composure. "I do. Just not like… _that_."

At that, I slammed her against the wall, and I crumbled back a bit and relented my grip slightly when I heard her whimper._ You're just like all the rest! You betray me!_ I slammed her against the wall harder and harder with every word, letting blind rage control me, and I was amazed that she didn't try to fight back. Why?

The next thing she said brought back all relented anger. "I'm not like all the rest, and you know that. It's just… you know there's someone else, Mewtwo. You know perfectly well who that is. And… you're a… a… Pokemon."

I threw her to the floor violently at that, causing her to skid and roll before coming to a stop a few feet away. _You tricked me, and I trusted you! You tricked me for years that maybe you felt the same way! You… you whore! _I would usually never sink low enough to use such a derogatory word, but…

I saw her eyes water again. She lay on the ground in front of me, the most vulnerable I had ever seen any human in all my years. And at that, all blind rage and hormones, I made the worst decision of my life, but the most satisfying of the moment.

* * *

I left her laying there, shivering and naked, on the temple floor that night after I was done with it all, going to the farthest side of my ancient home, far away from her. She had screamed and cried the whole time, and I have never been so disgusted and excited in my entire life. But I knew what I felt during the experience was not mutual - her screams were one of pain, not of love. I could just imagine her and N - reluctantly - doing what we had together, except that they were doing it willingly, and her screams were of love for him, her moans of passion to him.

I felt extremely guilty, yet at one with myself at the same time. A few days later, after the incident occurred, I gained a visit by her true lover - and he was just as contemptuous of me as I had been to her that night.

His voice was cold, harsh, and blunt. Why had I done that? What the hell was wrong with me? These among other bitter words were said and demanded of me.

When I gave him no answer, he decided he would battle me - an all out one, winner takes all. All being the one we both loved. I agreed - a fight to the death? How valiant of him, but stupid all the same.

All of his Pokemon were strikingly stronger than I would have ever thought - he was a good trainer - but I still beat him out until his last one. He had a determined, but threatened, look gleaming in his grey eyes. He was just about to reach for his last Pokemon when the inevitable happened - White came bursting through the temple doors, shouting for N. I glared at her, tear-stained face and bruises all up her once perfect arms.

N thrust a hand out to her, telling her not to get involved. For once, I agreed with him. This was our fight, not hers. White tried to stop us, but to no avail. He sent out his last Pokemon - a Reshiram. A Pokemon that was - by far - much stronger than I was.

What had been started hours ago was ended in only a few seconds by the flying Fire type. It had ended me in one single hit - and I hadn't gotten up after that. Neither White nor N moved for a good ten minutes after that, just staring at my motionless body scattered several feet away. N finally allowed White to pad over to him, his shoulders heaving in his immense rage against me. She placed her hands on those heaving shoulders to calm him, and suddenly wrapping an arm around her, he buried his face in her hair and just held her to him.

Realizing that both of them just needed to hold each other, she grabbed him around the neck, and as I began to slowly flit in and out of consciousness, I saw them, White crying into N's chest and clawing at his shirt. I sighed deeply as a pain flushed my entire body, and rested my eyes before opening them again to a new scene. In the time I had relaxed, the couple went to N just staring at her teary eyes and occasionally wiping away her tears while holding her close, all while she caressed his face. I didn't get why humans were so emotional - it was just so illogical to me, because, obviously, emotions hadn't gotten me anywhere over the past few years, except for more hatred. From there, their interactions followed into a kiss, and I turned away at that point. It was just too painful, too excruciating.

Hours passed, at least I thought, because the temple soon went from light to dark. N and White seemed to be proving their love for each other in one way or another, in anyway they could - White probably felt filthy after what I had done to her, and was probably trying to prove to not only herself but to N that they would both be okay. Eventually, they both turned to me, his arm wrapped possessively around her waist. They stared at my resting form, and I could hear the near-silent sniffling noises White was making. A good amount of time later, I heard N mutter, "Maybe we should go now…"

"I-I'll meet you outside," White told him shakily.

"Are you sure?" He gave her a serious look. She pushed him away and nodded. He made his way to the door, and instead of leaving the temple in its entirety, he waited at the doors wordlessly, listening in on what his girlfriend had to say to me.

"I am the same as all the other humans?" she spat disgustedly at me. "What about you, you hypocrite? You said you had changed, that you would never go back to your old ways! Well, you did! So before you go around calling me a whore and all those other creative names, think yourself over first!" She kicked imaginary dirt at me, before fully letting the brunt of it all hit her, and she fell to the ground, crying again. N came up behind her, and carried her out and they went away, forevermore. I never saw either one of them again.

* * *

When I think back to that day, I can imagine there being much more harsh things that White had wanted to say to me, but couldn't and wouldn't. I don't like to reflect much upon the what-ifs of it, but sometimes I involuntarily do. What if I had told White before N came along? Would it have been any different for me? I don't have an idea in hell.

I am still trying to recover, more so emotionally than physically. She was the first person I ever loved - the first person I still _do_ love - and getting over her has been difficult. It's been five years now (I am pretty sure they are now happily married now with a gaggle of children), and though my embitterment over the two has gone down significantly, I cannot look at the things she used to bring for me anymore. I have disposed of them. Any memory I have of her is gone now, except for the ones in my mind, which I know I will never fully be ridden of.

Will I ever allow myself to love again? I don't know. After everything I went through, I don't know if I want to! One time when White was speaking so fondly of N - which she often did - she told me how perfectly incredible it felt to be in love, and have it reciprocated, of course. She was so immensely happy - and truthfully, I want that. I want what she felt - not her love, but that glowing elation she emanated when N appeared.

But I am eternal, and though it is still going to take years to get over her, I will. And when that day comes, who knows, I may be ready to love again, now that I know how wonderful it can feel. I never thought that I'd ever feel anything like love, especially for a human, but nonetheless, I was proved wrong_, I_, Mewtwo, was proved wrong, and ironically, by a human no less.

* * *

_End_

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**Author's Notes:** The **fuck** is this! I don't know, and it makes me want to cry! This is the biggest piece of crap I have ever posted on here! T_T It is completed unstructured, unlike my other fics (which I actually plan out in advance)! I actually hated writing this. I just felt so... unorganized and awkward. Agghghgh! Also, am I the only one who thinks it's going to be weird addressing White as Touko and Black as Touya, and when their English names come out, it's gonna be awkward using those at first, but I think I'll get used to it. But I hope to hell they don't change Cheren and Bel's names in the English one, or I'm going to hurt someone! And if they even think about changing N's name, I am going to flip shit! Grr. XDD

_'Til next time!_

**_Fooboo24_**


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